If I Lost You First
by xkingnishi
Summary: What if Hiro was the one who died in the fire and Tadashi had to deal with the loss? M for later chapters *Possible trigger warning*


It had started so well when I woke up this morning. If someone had told me that I would be inside my burning college, saving my Professor, I wouldn't have believed them. Though, this was exactly how my day as Tadashi Hamada was ending, and as much as i wanted to ignore the fact, this could be the end of my life.

I was struggling to the door, just wanting to get another breath of air that wouldn't coat my lungs in smoke. The amount was making me cough almost every few seconds. Even so, I wouldn't change the pain I was experiencing for anything. I had achieved what I had come inside to do. I was even able to see the dark street now, only in the distance, the door less than a foot away. _I was going to make it. I was going to make it_ , I panted, now ducking everything time part of the ceiling cracked, pulling the man closer to my chest so I was hopefully protecting him more than myself.

People would say It was just like me to protect the ones around me more than myself, that my compassion for other people was so strong that I could feel the pain of others like it was my own. In a way, that was true. Callaghan was still inside the building, burning alive. Someone had to help. Why not me?

While heading to the door, my mind felt like it was turn to delusions. The heat, the smoke and the tight spaces that kept falling, caused me to feel like I was experiencing a hallucination. It was my own name being called over and over. A part of me thought it was Hiro outside, though I was so close now, knowing I would be reunited with the most precious person in my life in a matter of seconds.

I felt my knees hit the cold slabs, just outside of the door, dropping the weight that was over my shoulder back. He was laying completely still, my heart was still pounding in my chest, though I couldn't be worried. I wasn't even conscious of my own surrounding, let alone Callaghan's.

Foot steps and shouting were two of the many noises going on all around me, the only things I could actually sense coming closer as the seconds ticked on and on.

There was only one person that had known that I had gone inside, and that person was Hiro. I was so sure it had to be him coming towards me. A small, gently slid the corners of my mouth, so glad to be back, safe and with him. I rested back, sliding my hands down my now holey, singed cardigan. It was a shame to ruin something my little brother had bought me, though he would understand.

"Told you I would help," I mumbled, though I was unable to stay back, coughing only a second later, having to prop my weight up a little.

I was hit with Confusion when I did finally opened my eyes, that the only expression that I was met with was one of distress and fear. Not on Hiro's face but my aunties.

"Hiro?! Where's Hiro?!" She shouted down at me. I was a little taken back, still not completely with it. I wasn't surprise with her reaction since I had just run into a burning building, so it was to be-

Wait. Did she just ask me for Hiro?

I looked up though my broken strands of hair, peering at her as my heart rate quickened. "What do you mean where is he? He was right here!"

"He was, but then he watched you run in and went after you!" She cried, fresh tears building in the rims of her eyes. "Did you see him in there?! Please tell me you didn't, that he's not in there!"

"I-"

"Tadashi!"

Honey-Lemon's voice was one that I would usually, easily and recognise,though at the current moment, I didn't recognise anything, like my whole life was foreign to me.

 _Hiro.. went after me? Why?_ That's all I wanted to know.

Honeys arms were now completely wrapped around me, and I could only just feel hot tears against my burning skin. I looked down, seeing her hair spread across her shoulders, falling just below the hands that were balled tightly in my cardigan. _Oh, Honey._

 _"_ I'm fine, don't cry." I told her, stroking though her hair for a moment as I looked at aunt Cass, seriously. "But.. Hiro.. He didn't-"

"He did! Listen to me, Tadashi. He. Ran. In. After. **You."**

I wasn't sure if I felt a sense of blame coming from her voice, the way her face twisted when she mentioned me.

If she wasn't blaming me; I was.

I don't know what I was thinking, or why I would hurt her, though my hands instantly shoved the crying, broken and fearful girl from my chest, ripping her from the comfort she was starting to regain. Hiro was in there, I needed him.

 _Why would you go after me?!_ I wanted to scream, though I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself. My body didn't need to react in a logical way, my brain was already moving it for me, pushing myself to gather myself up and go again. I felt a tug on the elbow patch on my cardigan, causing me to drag her with me as I ran, though the tugging got stronger, forcefully gripping me like she was trying to restraint a wild animal.

"Get off! I need to grab him! He's my brother!"

"Don't you dare!" Aunt Cass cried out, "You're the only one I have left!"

Her words stung like nettles in the back of my neck, hurting me as I dragged my guilt along with me. The fact that she had said 'you're the only one left', made me realise that she had already given up on Hiro. _No way, I'm not_ givin _g up on you._

I yank my arm away, I couldn't let him go, not to my own stupid mistakes. Saving another man and losing my brother? That's not what I wanted! Never did I want, or even think that he would do something like run into the college for me.

I only managed about 4 steps toward the building before my feet were steeped from the ground with a loud and toxic bang. My body twisted while I was launched back, glass fragments scattered in the air around me, before swirling to the ground in a pile of dust that only blew away once I was laying right back where I was. Beside the man that I realised I had exchanged Hiro for.

I didn't even noticed my own voice wailing out his name, my fingers digging into the ground until my nails snapped. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My college with broken windows, flames now bursting from all directions that couldn't tame it. There was a ringing in my ears, though the only thing I was really able to take notice of, was my heart race. It felt it was the only part of me, painfully slamming against my chest, trying to escape. At that moment, I just wanted it to stop. To be honest, I felt like I would never need it again.

I curled up right under the night sky, the flames and smoke dancing straight up to the stars. It looked so beautiful, and yet, what lay beneath it was nothing more than tragedy. The image blurred out quickly, the tears in my eyes had built up to quickly, my cheeks already soaking as I screamed into the pavement. I could hear Aunt Cass in the back ground, kneeling beside me, her sweaty hand wrapping around my shoulder. Her other seemed to be removing my hat, stroking though my hair as he face suddenly becomes buried in my shoulder. My eyes are heavy, though I look to the corner, seeing her back rise and fall quickly, just like my own. She probably feels more than I do, I don't think I even feel anything. For some reason, I'm unable to even believe that I'm here. If only the world had stopped moving 10 minutes ago.. everything would be fine. Hiro would be safe. I would be the protective big brother I thought I was.

I reach my hand around without looking, placing my hand on top of hers, watching the building burn to the ground, taking the many memories that still needed to be made with my baby brother with it.


End file.
